What if the Problem is the Problem?

Episode 96 of the Secular Buddhism Podcast

Hello. You are listening to the Secular Buddhism Podcast, and this is episode number 96. I'm your host, Noah Rasheta, and today I'm talking about problems.

Welcome

Keep in mind that you don't need to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist. You can use it to learn to be a better whatever you already are.

A Note on Problems

Before we dive into this topic, I want to recognize something important. While we all have problems, not all problems are equal. What we jokingly refer to as "first world problems" may seem ridiculous when looked at from the perspective of someone who isn't in a first world situation—perhaps someone living in a third world country, for example.

But here's the thing: the emotional suffering experienced during a so-called first world problem can be just as real as any other form of mental anguish. I want to be careful as I address problems because I recognize there are different types, and I don't want to make the mistake of categorizing them and saying, "Your problem isn't as real or as valid as this other person's problem because theirs is worse."

The truth is, all of the emotions and experiences that we have are real, regardless of the circumstances. So I wanted to preface this with that line of thought.

The Escalation of Emotion

I'm sure you've all seen or perhaps experienced what we call first world problems—someone on an airplane being upset because their seat won't go back or the Wi-Fi isn't working. It seems trivial when you think about it, and yet the emotional experience is genuine.

Several years ago, I was working with someone, and we stopped at his parents' house to pick up some season tickets for an upcoming football game. As the situation unfolded, he realized that his parents had given the tickets to one of his siblings or to an uncle, and these tickets he'd been waiting for were no longer available.

Suddenly, I saw a side of this person I'd never seen before. It was a full-blown outburst of anger—startling and kind of scary, honestly. I didn't know what was going to happen next. He didn't act out violently, but he was bright red, punching the air, cursing. It was quite the spectacle to behold.

In that moment, it would have been easy to dismiss his experience. "Seriously? All of this over tickets?" But when I paused and really thought about it, I realized something important: I don't know what's really going on here. Is this really about the tickets?

Looking Deeper

It may seem tempting to dismiss the emotions people feel when they arise in circumstances we don't understand or agree with. Instead, you can take that moment to recognize that the emotion is real and try to dig deeper into exploring what the actual problem is.

In this case, was it really about the tickets? Or was something else going on beneath the surface? Maybe a feeling of rejection because a sibling or uncle got the tickets. Maybe some emotional trigger that surfaces whenever this person doesn't get what they want. There could have been countless deeper emotions coming to the surface with this one experience.

After I played with that thought in my mind, I came to this conclusion: I don't know what just happened. I don't know what's really going on. And it's not my place to make an assessment about whether that reaction was valid or invalid. What I do know is that it felt very real. This person was clearly upset, and you can't fake those emotions. Whether it was really about the tickets or something much deeper, this person's emotional experience was authentic.

The Question I Ask Myself

I've noticed this pattern in other occasions throughout my life. Whether I'm standing at the DMV waiting to renew my license and getting frustrated with how that system works, or dealing with any other problem, I've often thought about this line from Pema Chödrön where she says: "The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves."

When I'm experiencing a problem—whatever that problem is—I tend to ask myself: what if the problem is the problem?

Instead of getting caught up in the circumstances that are making me feel upset, I ask myself: why is this such a big deal? I try to explore that a little bit deeper.

How We Give Ourselves Difficult Times

If the most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves, then the question becomes: how are we giving ourselves difficult times? And perhaps more importantly, how could we be giving ourselves difficult times and not even know that we're doing it?

In my own experience, this mental exploration has led me down the road of examining all of my views, my opinions, and especially my beliefs.

I've mentioned this on the podcast before. When I was going through the loss of my company and bankruptcy, the attachment I had to my labels and my stories—specifically the story I told myself about who I am—was the real source of suffering. At that time, that story was: "I am an entrepreneur." When I lost my company, the suffering I experienced didn't really have to do with losing the company itself. It had to do with losing my sense of identity with that label I'd given myself.

That was a very profound and eye-opening experience. I realized in that moment that the problem wasn't really the problem. The real issue was that I didn't understand why the problem seemed to be the problem.

Since then, I've come to question every story, every label, every belief I have—whether it's about myself or about reality in general. As I mentioned in episode 93 on the topic of groundlessness, I've found an incredible space of peace in not knowing, in being in the space of uncertainty, and in allowing my beliefs and labels and attachments to just be there. But I'm no longer attached to them. I'm no longer identified with them. I'm playing the Tetris game more skillfully now, letting it all unfold and figuring it out as each shape shows up.

Beliefs as Prisons

I think our beliefs, especially, can trap us in mental prisons of difficult times that we're giving ourselves. It can happen on superficial levels, but it also happens on really deep levels—with our deeply held views and convictions.

I'm suspicious of any ideology that conveniently positions itself as the only solution to a problem it presented in the first place. You can encounter this even in Buddhism. You start to study and learn a little bit about Buddhism, and then suddenly you're presented with this idea of enlightenment. And you think: "Oh no, I'm not enlightened. I want to be enlightened."

Now the problem has been presented, and the ideology around it happens to be the solution. "You want to be enlightened? Well, you've got to practice meditation. You've got to sit in this pose. You've got to do this and avoid doing that." Suddenly, before we know it, we're on the road to solving a problem that, five minutes ago, we didn't even know was a problem.

I grew up with the same experience in my religious upbringing. It was a similar dynamic. I was presented with a problem: "You are a sinner and you need to be saved." And this specific ideology that was telling me this was also conveniently the only valid path to solving the problem. In other words, the religion telling me I needed to be saved also happened to be the only valid path to salvation.

Later in life, as I mentally explored this, I found the problem to be the problem. It felt as though my difficult times were the ones I was giving myself, and I couldn't see it. It was in the form of my beliefs.

My beliefs were saying to me: "Hey, don't worry, we're here to save you." But when I questioned, "Save me from what?" my beliefs said: "Save you from what we're going to do to you if you don't let us save you."

That, in itself, was the problem. My beliefs were there to save me from my beliefs. In that moment, I understood that while my beliefs were indeed a solution to a problem, more importantly, they were first and foremost the problem itself. That was a profound shift for me.

The Deeper Teaching

The more I've studied Buddhism and spent time with these specific teachings and concepts, the more I think these teachings are trying to tell us something deeply profound: the problem is not the problem. The problem is that we think there was a problem in the first place.

Maybe the most profound thing we can realize in life is that there's nothing to realize.

Ideologies and Cultural Conditioning

I want to be clear that when I'm referring to ideologies, I'm not just talking about religious ideologies, but also cultural ideologies. Take, for example, marketing and products in general. The system that's selling you products to improve your looks is usually the same system that's ensured you've been bought into the idea that you don't look good in the first place. They perpetuate that.

So you have the problem: "I don't look good." And then the solution: "This product is going to make you look good."

But when you explore this a little bit more, you realize the problem was the problem in the first place. The real question is: why do you think you don't look good? Who sold you on that idea? You'll find that the cultural norms and views that sold you on that idea happen to be the same cultural norms and views that are selling you the solution.

"Buy this makeup. Get this hairstyle. Drive this kind of car. Date this kind of person. Be seen doing this kind of job." Whatever it is, the belief presents the problem. The product ends up doing the same thing that religion was doing—it's going to save you from what will happen to you if you don't buy the product. And that, in my opinion, is faulty thinking.

Real Problems and Mental Difficulties

Now, I want to be clear. I'm not talking about the basic, genuine difficulties of life like poverty or crime or the very real struggles that many people experience in their day-to-day lives. I'm talking about the mental difficulties that we often give ourselves.

These usually emerge in the form of regrets about the past or worries about the future. But when we spend time in the present moment, something entirely different happens. When we become fully engaged with the present moment, something shifts. It's like the expression "stop and smell the roses." When you actually do that, something profound occurs. You see the interdependence of the roses and of all things.

I think this is something we can learn to do in our own minds with all our problems and difficulties. When I stop and analyze a difficulty, I ask: is this a very real difficulty that I have to do something about? If you can't make ends meet and you have a family to feed, yes, that's a real problem. And there are skillful ways to deal with that problem, and there are unskillful ways to deal with it.

That's what we're really dealing with here—skillful versus unskillful responses.

The Practical Application

Many of the difficulties we give ourselves in our specific culture—especially if you're listening to this podcast, you likely have a smartphone or some form of access to technology. Even if we're not in a so-called first world country, we might be dealing with what we could call first world problems.

We can stop and analyze our own views, our beliefs, our opinions, the ideas we have about ourselves, about others, about reality. Perhaps in that moment of exploration, by looking inward, you'll find some kind of insight into the nature of some of the problems you're dealing with in your life right now. And with that introspection and insight, perhaps you'll find a more skillful way of dealing with the problem.

That was the goal of this podcast episode—to explore the concept of problems from the perspective of asking: what if the problem is the problem?

Closing Thought

I want to end with this funny meme I saw on Facebook. It showed two cartoon characters, and one was all concerned, saying, "Oh no, I think I may have been cursed. What do I do? What's the best cure for a curse?"

A cat sitting on the couch responds with the arrogance only a cat can muster: "The best defense against curses is to not believe in curses."

And I really enjoyed that. It struck me as profound in its simplicity. The best cure for a curse is to not believe in curses. Perhaps some of that line of thinking can carry into other aspects of our lives.

Resources and Thank You

If you want to learn more about Buddhism and mindfulness, you can check out my book, No Nonsense Buddhism for Beginners. You can also pick up the Five-Minute Mindfulness Journal to start practicing mindfulness in your day-to-day life. Both of those, along with my original book, Secular Buddhism, are available on NoahRasheta.com.

If you enjoyed this podcast episode, feel free to share it with others, write a review, and give it a rating on iTunes. If you want to support the work I'm doing with the podcast, you can visit SecularBuddhism.com and click on the donate button.

That's all I have for now. I look forward to recording another podcast episode soon.

Thank you for listening. Until next time.

For more about the Secular Buddhism podcast and Noah Rasheta's work, visit SecularBuddhism.com